COMMON QUESTIONS, CONCERNS, & COMMENTS
I'm already a sports buff.
A: Look out, we got a badass over here.
If I subscribe, will I get Good Old Sport sent to me?
A: That's the idea.
I have commitment issues.
A: I'm just a newsletter. It's not like we're getting married or anything.
I have trust issues.
A: Trust me, that's not an issue.
I don't have time because I have needy, annoying friends.
A: You can always make new friends, but there's only one Good Old Sport.
I don't have time because I have needy, annoying pets.
I don't have time because I have needy, annoying kids.
A: Also kennel.
What if I'm only interested in one sport?
A: Ever hear of broadening your horizons, chief?
A: No you're not.
I'm not interested in sports.
A: Good One.
Will reading Good Old Sport make me rich and famous?
A: It wouldn't hurt.
I just ate, do I need to wait an hour to read Good Old Sport?
A: Ya, just to be safe. You don't want cramps.
Can I walk and read Good Old Sport at the same time?
A: That depends on your motor skills. Please consult a physician before continuing.
What will my other sports websites think?
A: What they don't know, won't hurt 'em.
What if I'm not qualified?
A: Bad credit or no credit, we accept 99% of all applicants. No money down!
What does Good Old Sport taste like?
A: Like if steak, lobster, and pizza had a three-way love child.
Will Good Old Sport make me taller?
A: If you hang upside down from the ceiling while you read it, yes.
I'm more into extreme sports.
A: Don't worry, brah, we're into shredding the gnar gnar.
I work the night shift. What about me?
A: Good Old Sport has been designed to display during daytime AND nighttime hours.
I prefer to get my reading done on the toilet.
A: Our mobile version is right up your alley!
I don't speak English.
What if I majored in Liberal Arts?
A: Then you're not employed and have plenty of time for Good Old Sport.
Can I get a hard copy mailed to me instead of subscribing electronically?
A: Don't be ridiculous.
I don't have an email address.
A: Sorry, but we don't have the resources to build a time machine to rescue you from 1991.
I'm left handed, will Good Old Sport work for me?
A: No, but we expect to launch a left-handed version next year.
I'd rather binge-watch Netflix.
A: You'll need something to do during the 20 seconds between episodes, right?
Can I read Good Old Sport with the lights turned off?
A: I'd prefer you didn't, I'm scared of the dark.
I'm more into Dungeons and Dragons.
What if I don't like it?
What if it doesn't like me?
A: Legitimate concern.
Is this going to be on the final?
A: Everything we cover is subject to be on the final exam. Study up.
I have a tummy ache.
A: Pepto Bismol will alleviate most stomach issues.
I live in my parents' basement.
A: I would keep that to yourself.
Will Good Old Sport make all my fantasies come true?
A: Your fantasy football fantasies, yes.
How smart do I have to be to read Good Old Sport?
A: We only accept readers with IQs over 200.
Can you get me out of work today?
A: Sure. Send me a sick note and I'll sign it.
My hand smells.
A: I don't even want to know.
I don't like the name Good Old Sport.
A: Well, maybe I don't care for your name either. So there.
Can I take Good Old Sport in the water with me?
A: Sorry, but I can't swim.
I heard Good Old Sport's milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.
A: I could teach you, but I'd have to charge.
What if I don't have time for Good Old Sport?
A: If you have enough time to read through these Q/A's, you have time for Good Old Sport.
What's your favorite '90s toy?
A: Pogs. Did you even have to ask?
I put my underwear on backwards this morning.
A: Sounds like a personal problem.
I'm currently being attacked by a shark.
A: I read somewhere you're supposed to hit them in the nose. Try that?
Secret agents are watching my every move.
A: This message will self-destruct in five seconds.
My parents are out of town.
A: House party!!!
Seinfeld of Friends?
A: These pretzels are making me thirsty!
What time is it?
A: Sorry, I forgot my watch today.
Remember yo-yos? Those were the coolest!
A: Fireballs all the way, baby.
It's almost like we...
A: ...finish each other's sentences.
You're looking good today.
A: I know.
Is it hot in here?
A: No, it's just me.
Will you go out with me?
A: Look, you're great and all, but I think we should just stay friends.
Will you at least hook up with me?
A: Maybe after a few drinks. Maybe.
I'm a robot.
A: Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto.
I'm a schizophrenic loner.
A: Your criminal record and whereabouts have just been sent to the FBI.
A: Get away from this evil technology before Uncle Yoder and Aunt Hilty find out!
I'm Darth Vader.
A: Together we will defeat the rebel scum.
A: Sorry about your parents.
A: NO, I'M SPARTACUS!
I'm Justin Bieber.
A: Kill yourself.
Are we done here?
A: I thought you'd never ask.